Radiation

I am heading to radiation on Tues. I had all the meetings and all the tests required to get a routine setup everyday (M-F) for the next 6 weeks. I have been having a hard time this week because I thought going into this, that radiation was going to "be a walk in the park". I realize now that nothing about this experience is a walk in the park. Every step of it really stinks. At least I don't lose my hair as with Chemo but radiation has it's own set of restrictions and strain on my life. What I have a hard time with, is facing things that are unexpected. I have really tried throughout this is to gain as much control over things like schedules and planning but even now these things are out of my control.

I went in this past week for a CT scan to basically chart my body so they can determine the best directions and combinations for the light therapy to hit only the areas of possible cancer and not other important parts of my body like bones or internal organs. My heart and lungs are right behind my left breast plate so they want to hit the left breast area but not my heart. That takes meticulous calculations and measurements of this machinery. So I laid perfectly still in this machine for about 45 mins. and they made a cast of my body so I will assume the same position every time for the next 6 weeks. They even measured how my chest rises and falls as I breathe. They don't want any changes in my body from the beginning to the end of radiation or else I need to go through the 45 min CT measurement scan again. I don't want that again so everything stays the same the next 6 weeks. I am also instructed not to lose or gain significant weight during this time. It could throw every thing off.

So once I go through all this, they determine how many minutes I will need the radiation therapy everyday. Long enough where they kill potential cells but not too long where other things are damaged. Only about 10 -20 mins every day. Once they know how long I require the machine, I am given a slot of time to get the daily therapy along with everyone else who has cancer and needs radiation too. So I am competing with all these other people for this radiation machine and chances are I will not get my first choice of time slots. Brian is traveling this week and I have a babysitter, my friend Stephanie, lined up for babysitting of Erin. When she is not available, I have a couple backup options, but I don't really know what I am going to do for daycare while I am in radiation since I don't know when the times are yet. I am trying to plan, but right now it is out of my control along with everything else.

I felt a real turning point finishing Chemo and getting through my Surgery but in reality I am hardly half way through with Radiation and then the final surgery still to go. I really thought I would see the light at the end of the tunnel but I feel like it is further and further away and all I feel is disappointment. I have been saving all the cards and notes that all my loved ones have sent me over the last year and as I looked into the box, I realized how packed it was getting. What I wonderful feeling to have all these well wishes and loving support to keep and share.

As always, thank you for supporting me in your own way.

I love you all,

Britt