Date Set for Reconstruction

Hello all- What a wonderful vacation to Oahu, Hawaii. We stayed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village, which is very kid friendly. It had 5 pools and four water slides, Waikiki beach and tons to do. We took turns spending the day at the pools and then the next day at the beach. We went snorkeling and rented paddle boats. We rented a car for the second half of the week and explored the Island. We found a secluded beach that is more visited by the locals than tourists. There was some snorkeling there but the view and the sand was glorious. Smooth, silky, white sand, I won't soon forget it.

We went to a Luau, food was fabulous, too bad Erin misbehaved so badly. She took a glass of punch and dropped it on the cement floor shattering it all over my purse, dress, every where. I was so mad, to say the least, but I had to pull it together to realize "Hey, I am in Hawaii". We saw a fabulous evening of traditional hula dances. Very cool. One evening, at our hotel we saw a Hawaiian musical review which played more pop culture Hawaiian songs like "Wipe Out" or "Hawaii Five O" or "Tiny Bubbles". They also had dancers including fire dancers and the evening finished with fireworks to the song "Over The Rainbow" by the famous Hawaiian singer, you probably have heard the song in commercials, etc. Anyway, for some reason looking up through the swaying palm trees on a beautiful night, watching fabulous fireworks, I got very emotional. I just couldn't believe I was here. That I had made it through and here I am enjoying this vacation and celebrating the finish of the year we just had. I felt so good and it was a really wonderful memory for me. I am getting welled up just typing about it. =)

We enjoyed our evenings going out to dinner and then back to the room to put the kids to bed and we would enjoy a bottle of wine on our balcony. We had a fabulous view from the 6th floor. One evening we paid for a babysitting service and went to a five star restaurant and had one of the best meals of our lives. It was so great to have the kids with us on this trip but I really relished that time alone with my husband.

One of the highlights of the trip was I got to Swim with the Dolphins. It was so cool. I have always wanted to see what it felt like to feel a dolphin's skin and surprisingly it felt like human skin but much firmer. It even had ridges similar to human fingerprints. I loved the experience and was thankful to my sister and husband who encouraged me to do it. I was giddy like a kid in a candy store. HAHA

Overall we loved our time in Hawaii. We literally were trying to find ways to not come home so soon. I came back very relaxed and happy.

Of course, the next day, I had to go to my Dr appts because I had missed some over the Vacation. It was kind of sobering to be all happy and tan and going to get treatment with all these sick people. I don't feel or look sick at all so I just hope that I can be an inspiration to patients that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Shortly, after we got home I was finally outvoted and we got a family Dog. I have been very reluctant to add a new member of the family because as much as my daughter promises to pick up the poop, of course much of the work falls to me. He is a shelter dog, poodle/terrier mix, about a year old. We named him Duke, for a famous Hawaiian surfer/swimmer. (For the Jimmy Buffet fans "Duke's on Sunday"). He was very skiddish and mistrustful but once we got him out in the yard at the shelter, he opened right up and I was encouraged. Since bringing him home, he has had some "issues" that an abused animal would have. He is quick to nip and bite and I have been very stressed about correcting this behavior. I guess I don't mind adding a member to the family but I really don't want to feel stress about it especially hoping that he does not bite anyone. Brian is working with him and things are better. Every day we go with out an "incident" is a good day. I hope to report that he is a keeper but the jury is still out.

I am finishing up the Herceptin treatments and I asked Dr. Eldaly if I could get one more Pet/CT scan now that I am almost finished. I have this intense fear that I am not really healthy,that there is still cancer in my body and that at any moment it will rear its head again. The Dr assured me that they take blood tests that are very sensitive to any abnormality in my organs. Such as, if there is something going on with my liver function or other organ function the blood test will indicate an issue. I understood that, but for me, why wait for it to hit my organs before finding a recurrence? Although I know that a PET/CT won't pick up tumors smaller that 5mm but I guess I just want the "all clear" as I finish therapy and my Dr agreed and ordered the test. So I am set for the test on Thurs, 27th at 9:30 at Stanford and I should have the results the second week in Sept.

I am assuming the test will come back clear but I of course need to emotionally prepare myself if it is not clear. If it is not clear, then I guess I will have to start this whole thing all over again. But I would rather know if I have a "hot" spot out there than to see it has spread to an organ where it is more difficult to take care of. For those Cancer survivors, this is the life we live, the constant fear of a recurrence. It is a horrible existence, but I guess I just have to assume it won't be back because I really don't have any control over it.

If the Pet/CT is clear, I am set for Reconstruction Surgery on Sept 11th. I worked with my surgeon to determine what I want to look like. I have been very ambivalent about whether I go for a bigger size or recreate the same size I am. If I wanted to go larger I would need an implant on the right side (my natural breast) but instead I opted for a "lift". It makes me look more "youthful", but essentially the same cup size. What it came down to is, I am happy with the size I am and I am fearful that if I go bigger, I will feel self conscience. I just want to look the same, a little perkier, but the essentially the same.=)

Paige starts school next week and I couldn't be happier. We need to get back into a routine. I sound like such a MOM, but we do. The kids are up at all hours of the night and I am tired of hearing "Mom, I'm bored, there is nothing to do". She is excited to be in 1st grade. We are going on one more camping trip before school, actually she will miss a couple days but it is not a big deal. We are heading to Oregon to a rustic cabin that we love on Chetco river. We will spend about four days and then head back and get Paige off to school. It might be a tough first couple of days for her but I am sure she will bounce back.

Our family was chosen to be part of an Emanuel Hospital brochure and newsletter. I can't seem to attach it but drop me an email and I can send it to you. In case you weren't aware, Emanuel Cancer Endowment program chose four "success stories" to be highlighted for their marketing materials and we were chosen to be a part of it. So we had a photo shoot and an interview to get my story as part of advertising to raise money for the Cancer Endowment. So our picture with the kids was chosen to be on the cover of the brochure as well as the newsletter. The newsletter is mailed to 6000 households locally. Kind of cool.

I will give an update on the Pet/CT so check in again in a couple weeks.

Love you all, Britt

Update

Hello everyone- I have had a great couple of months. I feel great and my hair is growing back and things are getting back to normal. My new normal. My friends encouraged me to continue the blog even though I am technically finished with treatment. I joked that I have nothing interesting to write about but I have gotten such wonderful feedback about my blog, I guess that I must have something to say.

I still have Herceptin appts every three weeks and am taking Estrogen-blocker pills and vitamins every day. But so far, so good. I also have to go and get tests for my heart every couple months because Herceptin sometimes has a side effect of issues with your heart. Most of the tests are precautionary but my latest test came back a little irregular so I have to go for a more extensive follow-up test this week. I asked them if I should be concerned and they said "no" but they want to rule out anything bad going on with my heart. This has nothing to do with cancer or any sort of recurrence but I have learned to just followup with everything because you just don't know.

My nephews, Sean and Ryan Kelleher both rode in a fund raiser, Pan MASS Challenge for the Jimmy Fund - Dana Farber Cancer Institute. They rode 26 miles and raised several hundred dollars themselves and their group/town raised several thousand $. They rode in my name and I am so proud. I called to thank them and it sounds like they had a good day. Thanks Nicole, Dan, Sean and Ryan for committing to such a good cause and helping other people affected by cancer.

I held a "Luncheon of Gratitude" for my local girlfriends who helped me so much while I was sick. My friend, Janet, (also recovering from Breast Cancer) gave me the idea. I invited some of the medical staff, the Dr's, friends from Paige's Monkey Business group and about 8 girlfriends. We had a great time and it was so nice for me to show my gratitude and celebrate our friendship. Like I have said, sometimes good things can come from bad. Some of these women I might never have made a connection with if it weren't for getting cancer. And they were in a place in their lives where they could reach out to me when they didn't have to and I really appreciated it.

In early June, Brian and I celebrated our 10 Year wedding anniversary. We had a bottle of wine that we kept all those years and took it with us to dinner. We had some issues with the cork disintegrating right in the bottle. (It was about a 13 year old bottle of wine. Traveling with us all the places we moved, etc). We had a lovely evening and I was so happy we were able to celebrate our anniversary when things are going well for us.

In Mid Jun we traveled back to the East Coast and to my old home town in Clifton Park, NY for my 20 year High School Reunion. I came back with Brian and the kids. We spent a couple days with my parents in NH and then left the kids with them for the weekend while Brian and I headed to upstate NY for the reunion. I have a great group of friends from JR High and HS. We have kept in touch after all these years and they had been so helpful to me during my treatment. Although they were far away their calls and cards and letters and gifts really sustained me. I think it meant a lot to them that I was able to travel back to see them. They all appreciated seeing me since it was the first time since my diagnosis that I got to spend any quality time with them. They all live close by in NY and I am the one furthest away so it was fitting that we all met for our reunion. I had a great time, I got a new dress and got my short hair highlighted. I had to pick a strappy dress that did not expose my port that still sits under my chest near my collar bone. I also was ready for the comments about my haircut. Most people at the reunion had not seen me in 20 years so they had no idea I once had long hair but I just played it off as a haircut I wanted. I told a couple old friends that I was a recent "breast cancer survivor". Many of them were shocked but one old classmate admitted to me that she too had breast cancer and she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. I never would have known and although we were not friends in HS, we had an instant bond between us. During the weekend, I was able to sit with my dear friends and read a little speech for them about how grateful I was for their friendship and support. Also at the luncheon I read a different speech but similar sentiments. Luckily during the luncheon I was able to keep it together and not break down crying but with my long time friends, I didn't fair as well, crying so hard that I couldn't even read the words. My friend, Meg, had to read what I had written. Both speeches end similarly about the lessons I learned from this experience. I learned the lesson of compassion from friends and loved ones. I don't think I spent enough time putting my self in others' shoes when bad things happened to them but now I feel compassion for people and I can act on it and offer support where in the past I might not have. I told them that they made me a better person and I thanked them for it.

Paige's book continues to cause a stir. I brought it to the East coast and it brought tears to the eyes of anyone who read it. My friends at the luncheon loved it too. I am thinking of getting reproductions of it made so they can sell it at the hospital. They now read it as part of the Monkey Business curriculum and has been read to the new group of Monkey Business kids after Paige's group.

In a couple weeks we head to Hawaii!!! We are so excited. Although we enjoyed our time back East, I would not say that was a vacation. This trip is a true vacation where it is nothing but having fun and relaxing. Brian so deserves this. It has been a long road for him and he is truly burnt out at work right now. The kids are coming with us so my work is coming along...=) but I am happy because the girls are going to have so much fun. There are 4 water slides at the resort and 5 pools to choose from. More on our trip later.

I guess that is it for updates, glad you are still reading and I promise to make it as interesting as possible.

Britt

Highly successful

Those were the words the Dr used to describe the treatment of my "local" disease. He said I was "Highly Successful". Those are fabulous words. You know what else are great words he said "There is every indication that I am in Full Remission". Amazing.... It was great to get an overview of how far I have come from Dr. Eldaly. Sometimes it is easy just to move on to the next piece of business and not reflect on what we have here, a success story.

Once I finished therapy I have felt a bit like I am in limbo. Only a couple weeks ago everything seemed so urgent and time sensitive and now the Doctors and Nurses send me on my way to resume my life like nothing happened. For the most part I have been able to jump back into life thanks to my kids and Brian but I guess I needed a recap. Just to know where I stood.

My "local" disease was considered the breast area, lymph nodes, and all around my left chest. That is the part that treatment was highly successful. What Dr. Eldaly will look for now moving forward is "distant" disease. This is where stray cells may/may not move to other parts of my body and may cause havoc.

Many of you have asked or wondered, "Am I Cancer Free"? There is no way to truly know that I am cancer free. It is a waiting game in effect. After 5 years, I am supposed to be cured. That is why I get routine blood tests to check my body functions, organ function and bone density and function. If for some reason one of those blood tests are off then they know something is going on and will do further tests, etc. It does not mean cancer it just means that they are very in tune to any abnormality.

If you were to ask me, I feel I am cancer free. I feel like I did everything I needed to do to combat this thing and all indications is that I am in the clear. At least that is the way I will choose to live. I don't see any need to sit around and wait for it to return. If is does I can't control it any differently than before so why exert energy worrying about it. I would rather spend that energy staying healthy mind, body and soul. Don't get me wrong, I do cringe just thinking about the possibility of it returning. It does scare me to death but like I said, I can't control it and I have to be OK with that.

I had wondered and I am sure you did too, "Why don't I just get Pet/CT scans. Wouldn't they be able to see the "Hot Spots" on the scan to find any additional cancer? I asked that and Dr. Eldaly explained that the blood tests are more sensitive tool than a Scan. A hot spot would only show up when the cell mass is larger that 5 mm. Not large but anything smaller would not even show up, so it is not a tool used for early detection.

So that is the latest medical update. In other news, Paige had published a book about her experience with having a Mom who has cancer. Everyone loves it. It was written in her words and is really very touching. Gram Kelleher helped her write and edit it and we sent it away to a publisher and we got hard copy version of it. She is very proud and will be reading it out loud in future Breast Cancer Awareness events. Also our family was chosen to be "poster" child for an advertising campaign for Emanuel Hospital. We will be featured in a brochure and newsletter about my success story. They sent a photographer out recently to do a photo shoot of the family and a writer is writing about my story. Should be interesting to see how it works out.

Take care all,

Britt

Life back to normal

It has been a couple weeks since I finished my therapy. I finished on a Thurs, had Friday to prepare for family to visit and then hosted Brian's brother Dan and my sister in law Nicole and my nephews to our house for a week. We had a great week, very busy and fun. I had a couple appts that week seeing my Reconstruction Surgeon and getting some routine tests. Nicole was able to help me by watching Erin that day, so that was good. Last week, Brian traveled with work and the family was gone and I was left in my house alone (with the kids of course) for the first time in probably 8 or 9 months. I was able to return to my old routine of the gym in the mornings and quiet time for me when Erin naps in the afternoon. I had the best week in my own solitude. I am truly happy. Such a weight has lifted that little could get me down. Returning to my favorite class at the gym was a milestone for me because with radiation and a small wig incident during the class (you figure it out), I had not been able to return until last Tues. I completely overexerted myself and was SO sore but I was really happy to be back in the routine of things.

During that week, I had a Herceptin treatment. I asked a friend at the Dr. office to watch Erin while I was hooked up to the medicine. Again, Herceptin is not harmful to my body. I don't have any side effects that I might have had with chemo but I do need a treatment every three weeks until Sept. 09. It is very quick, once I am hooked up, it only takes about 30 mins. Hardly enough time to get into a magazine and I am done. So it was not too much of a problem to bring Erin with me while Paige is in school.

By the end of the week, the kids and I were missing Brian and glad he was home. We went to a local fair and the kids had fun on the rides and petting the animals. I am even going to embrace activities that I had needed to put off because of the crazy medical schedule, it is time to potty train Erin. So we are working on this starting this week.

All and all things are good.

Britt
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Finally

Hello all- Well, I am done. YEAH!!!! I finished 28 sessions of radiation today. They sent me home with balloons and the song, "Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more...". It was cool. I was crying my whole way through the last treatment. I was trying really hard to keep my breathing regular but it was hard with tears rolling down my cheeks. Brian came with me for the last one and he brought me flowers. It was a very emotional day. We are now having a couple friends and their families over tonight for a small celebration and then I plan to followup in a couple months for more of a full blown celebration. Not for me but for all the people who helped me through it. So now we have been joking, what am I going to do with all my extra time? Although I still have some followup meetings, etc, it will seem different not having this hanging over my life.

I feel great, in good spirits and looking forward to what comes next. Oh, I almost forgot, we booked our celebratory trip to Hawaii. It has been a year in the works and we finally booked our flights and hotel. We are going the end of July. It will be wonderful icing on a bittersweet cake.

Yahoo!!!!!

Britt

4 more

As your reading this Britt will be in her 5th to last Radiation treatment, we can see the finish line, and are very happy. I am happy too that I can be here for her last 5 treatments, I will take her on Thursday for her final one. Of course it is not really the end, they still have Herceptin, and Estrogen treatments, and they say you have to have no recurrence for 5 years to be considered cured, but it marks the end of the three step process they use to eradicate the cancer so we are excited.
As Britt said in her post I did take her to a treatment last week, and it was really amazing to see what they do, using lasers, and large computer servers they are able to pinpoint treatment areas to a fraction of a millimeter, and attack them aggressively while not endangering the surrounding cells. They even measure her breathing (they shoot on the intake), to make sure they hit the right sight. Through it all Britt has to lie very still with her arms above her head, for at least 30 minutes, just one more form of torture this has put her through.
The toughest part of all of this for me has been I have still had to travel, a lot. I travel about 60% of the time for my job, and this has meant I have had to be away for a lot of the treatments. I am constantly facing the work/life dilemma, my work is important to me (especially since the cost of treatments without insurance would bankrupt someone), but Britt is more important, so it has been very tough. Fortunately I can be very thankful to a whole lot of people who have stepped up to help. Starting with my mother, and Britt's mother, who put large parts of their lives on hold to come and help us out, as both of them have made two extended trips. Britt's sister Kara, has been there as well, she even went with Britt on one of the toughest appointments she had, as the doctor at Stanford explained the cancer had spread further then previously thought. One of the more amazing out pourings has come from our little town of Los Banos, we have only lived here a little under two years, and yet we had so many friends that stepped up in so many ways, so to Heidi, Shawna, Sara Bowling, Sara Silva, Liz, Stepahnie, Veronica, Dawnie, Denise and everyone else who I might have forgotten, thank you so much from the Kelleher Family. Thank you as well to all of extended friends, and family who have taken the time to write cards, and send gifts they have meant so much to Britt and I to know that we are thought of, prayed for, and loved.
Easter like all of the holidays, seems to have taken on new meaning given the experience of the past year. It is a time of rebirth. Cancer takes a lot out of you, there have been moments of despair, losses of dignity (as well as hair), and times where you wonder if it will ever go away. But as you can see by Britt's picture she has come through both stronger and in the very biased opinion of this author as beautiful as ever.

Brian

Almost there

Hello all- I have only Six, yes, six radiation treatments to go and I have completed my medical therapy. I am feeling great and ready to get on with my life. My skin is holding up quite nicely considering the intense conditions I have put it through. Some redness but I use aloe and it seems to help. Brian joined me for a session last week. He might blog about it but he said it was really amazing what they are doing with my treatment. They are tracking 14 different locations across my upper body where they are zapping possibly cancer cells. It is very specific and they tell me I am one of the more complicated treatment plans. I feel very happy that I have resources so close to my home for the best care possible. I have gotten to know the therapists well now too, I am there everyday, and I have my set routine. Don't get me wrong I am counting the days until I am done and do not need to return but I will make it. Six sessions will be over in a blink of the eye. So if all goes according to plan and the machine does not break down, or something, I should be finished on April 16th.

I am not wearing my wig in public anymore!! Yeah!!! With the security of the wig, it was an interesting public transition from longer blond hair to short, short brown hair. I did color it light brown and it looked much fuller. I can't do much with it though, other than spike it up using styling wax. There were three groups of people that I was encountering as I transitioned off the wig. Strangers- random people at the gas station, store clerks, etc. I didn't care who saw me, they don't know me and I will never see them again. Friends- These people knew the whole story and I was excited to show them my "new look". Everyone seems to like it and has been supportive. The last group that I found the most complicated was the acquaintances or loose friendships- These were people that never even knew I had cancer. I never felt the need to tell them. The guy who mows my lawn, some neighbors, people at my gym, parents on Paige's softball team and school. To go one day from long blond hair to this extreme haircut was somehow stressful for me. I didn't want to blow peoples minds and leave them with quizzical looks on their faces. So I told a couple acquaintances ahead of time, "I am finish chemo and radiation and the next time you see me I will have really short hair" and left it at that. I don't really feel the need to go into it with every person I see, if they ask, that is fine. So I am back to my natural hair and I feel great. It is certainly easy to take care of and everyday I can see a difference in the look.

Brian's mom goes home on Thurs. We are sad to see her go, she brought me a lot of comfort knowing Erin, for instance, was not getting into trouble and Paige was picked up a school on time. Thank goodness for family.

I am very much looking forward now. Our family was nominated by Nancy, my friend who works for Emanuel Hospital, to be interviewed for the Emanuel Hospital Newsletter about "treatment for the cure." They would interview us about our experience and take pictures etc.

I also had an opportunity to volunteer for the American Cancer Society for the "Look good feel better" Program. They were training volunteers who would hold the program for patients and I served as a "guest Model" for the training class. It was fun and I got a bunch of new makeup. They basically did my makeup and I told the volunteers about my experience. I am looking forward to giving back if I can. My experience has been "extraordinary" =). I would like to think other people can benefit from what I went through.

After radiation, all I have is ongoing Herceptin treatments until Sept (no side effects) and medication in a pill form that blocks my Estrogen and of course my final cosmetic/plastic surgery. Sounds like a lot but other than the final surgery, I hope it is manageable.

Hope Everyone is doing well.

Britt