Chemo 4 & Chemo 5 on Dec 17th

Hi everyone, sorry I have not been keeping up on more updates. I know you get a lot from the blog but at this point I am in the groove with less urgent updates. I have my Chemo dates set. Chemo on Dec 17th and then again on Jan 7th and then I am done. I even have my surgery and followup tests set. If all goes according to plan, I should have my followup Pet Scan/CT in early January. This will be a very important test result. It will determine the direction of surgery and my next steps. I am tentatively set for surgery end of Jan. I have to wait at least three weeks after my last Chemo to fully heal and have no chance of infection, etc.

I have actually reached a point where I have some sense of a routine and the constant updates of the summer seems to have dissipated. I am in a place now where I am finally reflecting on the serious side of this disease and the steps I still need to take before it is over. I read a couple stories of other survivors such as Lance Armstrong and I just finished a book "Why I wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy". In their stories, they were so serious, devastated and scared. I guess I had been viewing this disease as some sort of project that will be over in about a year. It never occured to me to be scared that a recurrence is a real possibility and God forbid, I might have to do this all over again. A friend I used to play softball with, I recently found out she had a recurrence and has battled breast cancer twice. I don't think I could take it, if that happened to me. Those kinds of thoughts have been in the forefront lately. Even though these thoughts creep up, I can't assume the worse case scenario. I have to move forward with the course I am on. Being scared does nothing as far as change anything so it is better to be positive with what I have accomplished so far.

I also trying to get finished with Christmas shopping and preparations because I am anticipating not being up for much after the 17th. We are looking forward to a good Christmas. My mother, Father and sister will be visiting and Erin is a perfect age to really begin to understand Santa and presents. I will be feeling better by the time Christmas comes but I don't know if I will be able to enjoy Christmas dinner with my taste buds getting so messed up. This past time, everything tasted overly salty, sweet or savory. I was resorting to eating Pretzels, popcorn and cereal. Thankfully it only lasts a couple days.

I went to a support group last week with other breast cancer survivors and the ladies were very nice. They were all around 50 and 60 years old. I am still searching for someone to lean on who is my age now. I know it is not as common though. From these ladies, I heard stories of really bad reactions to Chemo. I felt lucky that I don't have those terrible side effects. They had troubles like swollen legs and ankles, cold sores, throwing up to the point of malnutrition, back pain, hospitalization for blood transfusions. All I feel is under the weather for 5-6 days. When you put it in perspective, I feel lucky.

Lately, I noticed after Chemo, the very next day I feel the effects. I lay around a lot and sleep a lot instead of a 2-3 day delay. I have very little motivation to do anything. By the 4th and 5th day, my motivation is back but my body is not. It is frustrating when I feel in my head, I am ready to get back to my life but I am still tired and lethargic. By day 6, I am ready to "reenter life" again. I tell my friends "I am back". I am able to take care of daily things and pick up all the loose ends that I blew off for a week. It feels good to be back. And after that I am my usual self.

Have a wonderful Christmas if I don't get to report in until after Christmas.

Britt