Update

Hello everyone- I have had a great couple of months. I feel great and my hair is growing back and things are getting back to normal. My new normal. My friends encouraged me to continue the blog even though I am technically finished with treatment. I joked that I have nothing interesting to write about but I have gotten such wonderful feedback about my blog, I guess that I must have something to say.

I still have Herceptin appts every three weeks and am taking Estrogen-blocker pills and vitamins every day. But so far, so good. I also have to go and get tests for my heart every couple months because Herceptin sometimes has a side effect of issues with your heart. Most of the tests are precautionary but my latest test came back a little irregular so I have to go for a more extensive follow-up test this week. I asked them if I should be concerned and they said "no" but they want to rule out anything bad going on with my heart. This has nothing to do with cancer or any sort of recurrence but I have learned to just followup with everything because you just don't know.

My nephews, Sean and Ryan Kelleher both rode in a fund raiser, Pan MASS Challenge for the Jimmy Fund - Dana Farber Cancer Institute. They rode 26 miles and raised several hundred dollars themselves and their group/town raised several thousand $. They rode in my name and I am so proud. I called to thank them and it sounds like they had a good day. Thanks Nicole, Dan, Sean and Ryan for committing to such a good cause and helping other people affected by cancer.

I held a "Luncheon of Gratitude" for my local girlfriends who helped me so much while I was sick. My friend, Janet, (also recovering from Breast Cancer) gave me the idea. I invited some of the medical staff, the Dr's, friends from Paige's Monkey Business group and about 8 girlfriends. We had a great time and it was so nice for me to show my gratitude and celebrate our friendship. Like I have said, sometimes good things can come from bad. Some of these women I might never have made a connection with if it weren't for getting cancer. And they were in a place in their lives where they could reach out to me when they didn't have to and I really appreciated it.

In early June, Brian and I celebrated our 10 Year wedding anniversary. We had a bottle of wine that we kept all those years and took it with us to dinner. We had some issues with the cork disintegrating right in the bottle. (It was about a 13 year old bottle of wine. Traveling with us all the places we moved, etc). We had a lovely evening and I was so happy we were able to celebrate our anniversary when things are going well for us.

In Mid Jun we traveled back to the East Coast and to my old home town in Clifton Park, NY for my 20 year High School Reunion. I came back with Brian and the kids. We spent a couple days with my parents in NH and then left the kids with them for the weekend while Brian and I headed to upstate NY for the reunion. I have a great group of friends from JR High and HS. We have kept in touch after all these years and they had been so helpful to me during my treatment. Although they were far away their calls and cards and letters and gifts really sustained me. I think it meant a lot to them that I was able to travel back to see them. They all appreciated seeing me since it was the first time since my diagnosis that I got to spend any quality time with them. They all live close by in NY and I am the one furthest away so it was fitting that we all met for our reunion. I had a great time, I got a new dress and got my short hair highlighted. I had to pick a strappy dress that did not expose my port that still sits under my chest near my collar bone. I also was ready for the comments about my haircut. Most people at the reunion had not seen me in 20 years so they had no idea I once had long hair but I just played it off as a haircut I wanted. I told a couple old friends that I was a recent "breast cancer survivor". Many of them were shocked but one old classmate admitted to me that she too had breast cancer and she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery. I never would have known and although we were not friends in HS, we had an instant bond between us. During the weekend, I was able to sit with my dear friends and read a little speech for them about how grateful I was for their friendship and support. Also at the luncheon I read a different speech but similar sentiments. Luckily during the luncheon I was able to keep it together and not break down crying but with my long time friends, I didn't fair as well, crying so hard that I couldn't even read the words. My friend, Meg, had to read what I had written. Both speeches end similarly about the lessons I learned from this experience. I learned the lesson of compassion from friends and loved ones. I don't think I spent enough time putting my self in others' shoes when bad things happened to them but now I feel compassion for people and I can act on it and offer support where in the past I might not have. I told them that they made me a better person and I thanked them for it.

Paige's book continues to cause a stir. I brought it to the East coast and it brought tears to the eyes of anyone who read it. My friends at the luncheon loved it too. I am thinking of getting reproductions of it made so they can sell it at the hospital. They now read it as part of the Monkey Business curriculum and has been read to the new group of Monkey Business kids after Paige's group.

In a couple weeks we head to Hawaii!!! We are so excited. Although we enjoyed our time back East, I would not say that was a vacation. This trip is a true vacation where it is nothing but having fun and relaxing. Brian so deserves this. It has been a long road for him and he is truly burnt out at work right now. The kids are coming with us so my work is coming along...=) but I am happy because the girls are going to have so much fun. There are 4 water slides at the resort and 5 pools to choose from. More on our trip later.

I guess that is it for updates, glad you are still reading and I promise to make it as interesting as possible.

Britt

Highly successful

Those were the words the Dr used to describe the treatment of my "local" disease. He said I was "Highly Successful". Those are fabulous words. You know what else are great words he said "There is every indication that I am in Full Remission". Amazing.... It was great to get an overview of how far I have come from Dr. Eldaly. Sometimes it is easy just to move on to the next piece of business and not reflect on what we have here, a success story.

Once I finished therapy I have felt a bit like I am in limbo. Only a couple weeks ago everything seemed so urgent and time sensitive and now the Doctors and Nurses send me on my way to resume my life like nothing happened. For the most part I have been able to jump back into life thanks to my kids and Brian but I guess I needed a recap. Just to know where I stood.

My "local" disease was considered the breast area, lymph nodes, and all around my left chest. That is the part that treatment was highly successful. What Dr. Eldaly will look for now moving forward is "distant" disease. This is where stray cells may/may not move to other parts of my body and may cause havoc.

Many of you have asked or wondered, "Am I Cancer Free"? There is no way to truly know that I am cancer free. It is a waiting game in effect. After 5 years, I am supposed to be cured. That is why I get routine blood tests to check my body functions, organ function and bone density and function. If for some reason one of those blood tests are off then they know something is going on and will do further tests, etc. It does not mean cancer it just means that they are very in tune to any abnormality.

If you were to ask me, I feel I am cancer free. I feel like I did everything I needed to do to combat this thing and all indications is that I am in the clear. At least that is the way I will choose to live. I don't see any need to sit around and wait for it to return. If is does I can't control it any differently than before so why exert energy worrying about it. I would rather spend that energy staying healthy mind, body and soul. Don't get me wrong, I do cringe just thinking about the possibility of it returning. It does scare me to death but like I said, I can't control it and I have to be OK with that.

I had wondered and I am sure you did too, "Why don't I just get Pet/CT scans. Wouldn't they be able to see the "Hot Spots" on the scan to find any additional cancer? I asked that and Dr. Eldaly explained that the blood tests are more sensitive tool than a Scan. A hot spot would only show up when the cell mass is larger that 5 mm. Not large but anything smaller would not even show up, so it is not a tool used for early detection.

So that is the latest medical update. In other news, Paige had published a book about her experience with having a Mom who has cancer. Everyone loves it. It was written in her words and is really very touching. Gram Kelleher helped her write and edit it and we sent it away to a publisher and we got hard copy version of it. She is very proud and will be reading it out loud in future Breast Cancer Awareness events. Also our family was chosen to be "poster" child for an advertising campaign for Emanuel Hospital. We will be featured in a brochure and newsletter about my success story. They sent a photographer out recently to do a photo shoot of the family and a writer is writing about my story. Should be interesting to see how it works out.

Take care all,

Britt

Life back to normal

It has been a couple weeks since I finished my therapy. I finished on a Thurs, had Friday to prepare for family to visit and then hosted Brian's brother Dan and my sister in law Nicole and my nephews to our house for a week. We had a great week, very busy and fun. I had a couple appts that week seeing my Reconstruction Surgeon and getting some routine tests. Nicole was able to help me by watching Erin that day, so that was good. Last week, Brian traveled with work and the family was gone and I was left in my house alone (with the kids of course) for the first time in probably 8 or 9 months. I was able to return to my old routine of the gym in the mornings and quiet time for me when Erin naps in the afternoon. I had the best week in my own solitude. I am truly happy. Such a weight has lifted that little could get me down. Returning to my favorite class at the gym was a milestone for me because with radiation and a small wig incident during the class (you figure it out), I had not been able to return until last Tues. I completely overexerted myself and was SO sore but I was really happy to be back in the routine of things.

During that week, I had a Herceptin treatment. I asked a friend at the Dr. office to watch Erin while I was hooked up to the medicine. Again, Herceptin is not harmful to my body. I don't have any side effects that I might have had with chemo but I do need a treatment every three weeks until Sept. 09. It is very quick, once I am hooked up, it only takes about 30 mins. Hardly enough time to get into a magazine and I am done. So it was not too much of a problem to bring Erin with me while Paige is in school.

By the end of the week, the kids and I were missing Brian and glad he was home. We went to a local fair and the kids had fun on the rides and petting the animals. I am even going to embrace activities that I had needed to put off because of the crazy medical schedule, it is time to potty train Erin. So we are working on this starting this week.

All and all things are good.

Britt
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Finally

Hello all- Well, I am done. YEAH!!!! I finished 28 sessions of radiation today. They sent me home with balloons and the song, "Hit the road Jack and don't you come back no more...". It was cool. I was crying my whole way through the last treatment. I was trying really hard to keep my breathing regular but it was hard with tears rolling down my cheeks. Brian came with me for the last one and he brought me flowers. It was a very emotional day. We are now having a couple friends and their families over tonight for a small celebration and then I plan to followup in a couple months for more of a full blown celebration. Not for me but for all the people who helped me through it. So now we have been joking, what am I going to do with all my extra time? Although I still have some followup meetings, etc, it will seem different not having this hanging over my life.

I feel great, in good spirits and looking forward to what comes next. Oh, I almost forgot, we booked our celebratory trip to Hawaii. It has been a year in the works and we finally booked our flights and hotel. We are going the end of July. It will be wonderful icing on a bittersweet cake.

Yahoo!!!!!

Britt

4 more

As your reading this Britt will be in her 5th to last Radiation treatment, we can see the finish line, and are very happy. I am happy too that I can be here for her last 5 treatments, I will take her on Thursday for her final one. Of course it is not really the end, they still have Herceptin, and Estrogen treatments, and they say you have to have no recurrence for 5 years to be considered cured, but it marks the end of the three step process they use to eradicate the cancer so we are excited.
As Britt said in her post I did take her to a treatment last week, and it was really amazing to see what they do, using lasers, and large computer servers they are able to pinpoint treatment areas to a fraction of a millimeter, and attack them aggressively while not endangering the surrounding cells. They even measure her breathing (they shoot on the intake), to make sure they hit the right sight. Through it all Britt has to lie very still with her arms above her head, for at least 30 minutes, just one more form of torture this has put her through.
The toughest part of all of this for me has been I have still had to travel, a lot. I travel about 60% of the time for my job, and this has meant I have had to be away for a lot of the treatments. I am constantly facing the work/life dilemma, my work is important to me (especially since the cost of treatments without insurance would bankrupt someone), but Britt is more important, so it has been very tough. Fortunately I can be very thankful to a whole lot of people who have stepped up to help. Starting with my mother, and Britt's mother, who put large parts of their lives on hold to come and help us out, as both of them have made two extended trips. Britt's sister Kara, has been there as well, she even went with Britt on one of the toughest appointments she had, as the doctor at Stanford explained the cancer had spread further then previously thought. One of the more amazing out pourings has come from our little town of Los Banos, we have only lived here a little under two years, and yet we had so many friends that stepped up in so many ways, so to Heidi, Shawna, Sara Bowling, Sara Silva, Liz, Stepahnie, Veronica, Dawnie, Denise and everyone else who I might have forgotten, thank you so much from the Kelleher Family. Thank you as well to all of extended friends, and family who have taken the time to write cards, and send gifts they have meant so much to Britt and I to know that we are thought of, prayed for, and loved.
Easter like all of the holidays, seems to have taken on new meaning given the experience of the past year. It is a time of rebirth. Cancer takes a lot out of you, there have been moments of despair, losses of dignity (as well as hair), and times where you wonder if it will ever go away. But as you can see by Britt's picture she has come through both stronger and in the very biased opinion of this author as beautiful as ever.

Brian

Almost there

Hello all- I have only Six, yes, six radiation treatments to go and I have completed my medical therapy. I am feeling great and ready to get on with my life. My skin is holding up quite nicely considering the intense conditions I have put it through. Some redness but I use aloe and it seems to help. Brian joined me for a session last week. He might blog about it but he said it was really amazing what they are doing with my treatment. They are tracking 14 different locations across my upper body where they are zapping possibly cancer cells. It is very specific and they tell me I am one of the more complicated treatment plans. I feel very happy that I have resources so close to my home for the best care possible. I have gotten to know the therapists well now too, I am there everyday, and I have my set routine. Don't get me wrong I am counting the days until I am done and do not need to return but I will make it. Six sessions will be over in a blink of the eye. So if all goes according to plan and the machine does not break down, or something, I should be finished on April 16th.

I am not wearing my wig in public anymore!! Yeah!!! With the security of the wig, it was an interesting public transition from longer blond hair to short, short brown hair. I did color it light brown and it looked much fuller. I can't do much with it though, other than spike it up using styling wax. There were three groups of people that I was encountering as I transitioned off the wig. Strangers- random people at the gas station, store clerks, etc. I didn't care who saw me, they don't know me and I will never see them again. Friends- These people knew the whole story and I was excited to show them my "new look". Everyone seems to like it and has been supportive. The last group that I found the most complicated was the acquaintances or loose friendships- These were people that never even knew I had cancer. I never felt the need to tell them. The guy who mows my lawn, some neighbors, people at my gym, parents on Paige's softball team and school. To go one day from long blond hair to this extreme haircut was somehow stressful for me. I didn't want to blow peoples minds and leave them with quizzical looks on their faces. So I told a couple acquaintances ahead of time, "I am finish chemo and radiation and the next time you see me I will have really short hair" and left it at that. I don't really feel the need to go into it with every person I see, if they ask, that is fine. So I am back to my natural hair and I feel great. It is certainly easy to take care of and everyday I can see a difference in the look.

Brian's mom goes home on Thurs. We are sad to see her go, she brought me a lot of comfort knowing Erin, for instance, was not getting into trouble and Paige was picked up a school on time. Thank goodness for family.

I am very much looking forward now. Our family was nominated by Nancy, my friend who works for Emanuel Hospital, to be interviewed for the Emanuel Hospital Newsletter about "treatment for the cure." They would interview us about our experience and take pictures etc.

I also had an opportunity to volunteer for the American Cancer Society for the "Look good feel better" Program. They were training volunteers who would hold the program for patients and I served as a "guest Model" for the training class. It was fun and I got a bunch of new makeup. They basically did my makeup and I told the volunteers about my experience. I am looking forward to giving back if I can. My experience has been "extraordinary" =). I would like to think other people can benefit from what I went through.

After radiation, all I have is ongoing Herceptin treatments until Sept (no side effects) and medication in a pill form that blocks my Estrogen and of course my final cosmetic/plastic surgery. Sounds like a lot but other than the final surgery, I hope it is manageable.

Hope Everyone is doing well.

Britt

Slowly making progress

Hello all- Some days Radiation goes very smoothly and other days takes a long time and is proving to be a royal pain. I am about two weeks in and about four weeks to go. I had a tough week last week with frustration and disappointment but this week things have gone fine.

We went to San Diego two weekends ago which was a fun but long trip. We chose to drive home late on Sunday night and got in about 1:00 am. I had to pull myself out of bed on Monday morning to get to radiation by 8:00 am only to find out that the machine was down. No machine, no treatment. The therapists (the ones who run the machines) were not able to get the message to me in time to prevent me from traveling the hour up there to find out I was out of luck. I was so furious that of all days, I was exhausted and I drove all the way up there only to turn around and drive home and I did not even get a session of therapy under my belt. The more sessions I get, the closer I am to finishing. So I missed two days because of the machine and those days gets tacked onto the end of the therapy timetable.

Then on Thurs. the Dr. was moving and shifting my body so they got the perfect position that I laid in one position (with my arms over my head) for almost an hour. I was in so much pain that tears were running down my face by the end of it. I had to just lay still and take it because if I were to quit or move I would only have to repeat it tomorrow. So it was in my best interest to just get through it. On Friday it was better. As they were positioning me I would lower my arms to give them a rest and that worked better. I have to do what I can to make the experience work for me. I get mad at them, but they are only trying to give me the best result. So I understand what they are trying to do but I still am angry and I take it out on them in my head. Which makes no sense, it is not really their fault.

I am having a hard time shaking my anger. I am just so tired of everything and I find I am projecting it on people who are either unrelated or not responsible for my anger. It is unrealistic and really makes no sense but sometimes I need a person to blame for my problems. I can't blame cancer. It is fruitless.

So I am up at 6:00 and out the door by 7:00 for the radiation appt at 8:00. Sounds like a job, huh? I get through radiation for the day, it is about 10:00 am when I get home. If it is a good day, then I can get started on the rest of my day. If it is a bad day, then it really deflates me for the rest of the day. I feel lethargic and tired. I nap a lot now as they warned me that radiation tires you out. So far I am not seeing any side effects such as skin burns or redness. They say to expect it in the third or fourth week. So I am trying to stay ahead of it by moisturize my skin as much as possible. Both Monday and Tues were very smooth, in and out in 30 mins.

Good news, my Mother in law is back to help out. For the next three weeks, she will be able to take care of the kids and Brian can travel when he needs to knowing that I am taken care of. I think her visit will be better for him than for me, although it is good for me too. He tends to put the weight of the world on himself and just be knowing I am OK gives him the ability to go to work and do his job.

We had a great weekend in San Diego. We went to the pool and hot tub and I did not wear my wig. A big step for me. I feel like people immediately know I have cancer when they see the short hair but you know what, who cares, I won't see these people again and if they wondered, who cares, it is not my responsibility to fill them in. I wonder why I am so worried about hiding it still but I guess it just gets back to privacy. I don't want to be seen as a spectacle, my hair is just short not a big deal, right?. I am getting closer to "the big reveal". No wig. My hair is only about 1/2 inch long but I am thrilled. I colored it today to give it the appearance of more thickness. I think it looks pretty good, considering, but we will see if I have the guts to go out in public or not.

Paige continues to love her Monkey Business group. It is very natural for her to tell people all about it. "I am going to my club. It is for kids who's Mommy's or Daddy's have Cancer." Very matter of fact, which is good. It is a part of her life, she should embrace it. She seems to be handling everything so well. One issue I did not address with Paige is the fact that you could die from cancer. I just figured why go there if I don't need to right now, but in the group they covered that topic and I cringed a bit because I wasn't sure how she would handle it. Come to find out she is fearful of that but she is as hopeful as I am. Hope is important.

I wanted to mention again how wonderful it is to get cards and messages from friends and family almost a year into this ordeal. I hear from Brian's side of the family a lot which is so nice. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I have reconnected with so many people that I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with responses so if I am slow, I am sorry. It is a wonderful problem to have, too many people to respond to. I love talking with everyone, please don't feel put off, I couldn't do it without you all.

Britt